Caleb has his annual plastic surgeon appointment today. Or rather, was supposed to have his annual plastic surgeon appointment today. But apparently his doctor decided to take the day off and nobody was able to get a hold of me.

Wait. Let’s step back to a half hour before I was standing at the window of our plastic surgeon’s appointment listening to the reception get sort of snotty with me because she “tried to get a hold of you several times.” A half hour before I wanted to rip every last hair out of her head because I left work early and exceeded the speed limit on the interstate just to get my kid to this appointment that wasn’t.

I had forgotten that Caleb had his appointment today until I was already nestled under my covers ready to saw logs in bed last night. I thought about getting up to put a note in his bag so his teacher would know I would be picking him up rather than letting him ride the bus home. But that would have required actual effort, of which I wasn’t willing to exert.

So instead I called the school this morning to let them know. This meant that none of the kids knew I would be at the school that afternoon. It also meant that none of them knew Caleb wouldn’t be riding the bus.

I got to the school at 3:15 on the dot and Caleb was already sitting in the hallway waiting for me. I scooped him up (and by scooped him up I mean I hollered, “Caleb, let’s go” in his general direction) and started to head back out the door. I was stopped by the afternoon monitor who told me that another one of my children (Spencer) was in the office because he saw Caleb waiting for pick up and thought maybe he was getting picked up too. I also ran in to Skyler’s teacher who said, “I put Skyler on the bus. Was she supposed to go home with you?”

Chaos I tell you. It was at that moment that I decided from this point on I am no longer scheduling doctor appointments after school. From now on I’m just going to pull them right out of school in the middle of the day. Yes, they’ll miss some schoolwork. But it will be easier on me. And it’s really all about me anyway. [If I have to put a smiley face here for you to realize I am, of course, kidding then you really haven't been reading my slice of sarcasm for very long.]

I tried to politely finish the conversation with Skyler’s teacher (Yes, she LOVES school. I’m so glad to hear she’s a model student.) while trying to make my way down the hall to the office. Just what I need is to leave one kid at school all night long. As I got almost to the office I saw Spencer and his teacher enter the hallway. She was getting ready to walk him to the bus since the office didn’t have any notice about Spencer getting picked up. I told her I’d go ahead and take him. The appointment wouldn’t last that long (if only I knew just how true that statement would be).

By this point it was already 3:30. Caleb’s appointment was at 3:45. And we still had to walk to the car, drive across town, find a parking spot and book it to the doctor’s office. We were running late. [Which, as you know, is very familiar territory for me, but I still hate to be late nonetheless.]

By some miracle we actually made it to the doctor’s office on time. We strolled in. I admit I had a little bit of a cocky smile on my face. I’m not late. I laugh at late. I’m right on time.

And here we are back to the woman in the window, sitting behind an appointment book with a big red “X” through the day and a note that said “Doctor Out.” There was just one lonely name on the page. Caleb’s.

According to the receptionist she tried to call me several times to change his appointment. She even confirmed my home number. I couldn’t really say anything because I am really (really, really) bad about checking my home voicemail. I figured there was probably a message on there that I had complete ignored so I didn’t want to get all up in her grill if it was truly my fault.

We rescheduled the appointment and the kids and I were on our way.

On our way home I called our voicemail to hear the message. There were eight messages from as far back as last Wednesday. [On a side note, how sad is it that I don't check our voicemail for over a week and all we have is 8 messages. How unpopular are we?] But none of those 8 messages was from this doctor’s office.

When we got home I checked the caller ID. It goes all the way back to August 19th. And there is not a single call from this doctor’s office. That bitch did not call me. She let me leave work early. Practically leave my kid at school all by himself over night. Make me almost late for this appointment that didn’t even exist. All for nothing.

Next time I’m checking my voicemail right there in the office so I don’t miss another opportunity to point out when somebody else is wrong and I am indeed right.

After my Mass Media Industry class this morning I have lost all faith in the American school system. In this class we are discussing the law, ethics and history of mass media. Today was our first law lecture. We started with the basics. What’s a plaintiff? What’s a defendant? What are the sources of law? Things like that.

Then our professor asked us, “how does a bill become a law?” Most of my class is young early twenty-somethings plus one 18-year-old freshman. So none of them are schooled in all things Schoolhouse Rock. They were truly deprived as children. Today’s kids are watching shows like Spongebob Squarepants instead of the three minute educational cartoons that are Schoolhouse Rock. Plus kids nowadays can watch cartoons 24/7 rather than having to wait until Saturday morning. Now they can sleep in on Saturday mornings because they can just watch their cartoons on Friday night. What has become of the world? Spoiled rotten kids.

Umm…where was I? Oh yeah. Schoolhouse Rock.

So the second he asked that question I started singing the “I’m just a bill” song in my head. (On a side note, Lee also started singing the song when I came home and told him our teacher wanted us to tell him how a bill becomes a law. We are truly kids of the ’80s.) But the youngins in my class were having some trouble explaining the process. (See Schoolhouse Rock needs to come back. It should be shown in all classrooms. The Presidential candidates need to seriously consider this for their campaigns before the November election.)

One girl was able to explain that a bill starts in Congress (which if you know the “I’m just a bill” song you know that’s not true. A bill starts as an idea. Duh!). She then went on to say if Congress votes for it then it goes to the President to get signed.

Our professor then asked her what Congress was. She was confused so he reworded it. What makes up Congress? She still had no clue. What?!? You don’t know what makes up the United States Congress? Do they not teach this in school anymore?

So our professor tried to help her out. “Who is Dave Loebsack,” he asked. I’ll give her this one. A lot of people don’t know their congressmen by name and Loebsack is fairly new. So he went ahead and told her Loebsack is an Iowa Representative.

Then he asked, “Who is Tom Harkin?” The girl, plus at least two other people in the class, said, “Isn’t he the governor?”

And that’s when my head exploded. Big goey blood and brains all over the classroom. Because seriously?!? You don’t know who your own state’s governor is? Really?

For the record, Tom Harkin is an Iowa Senator who has been a Senator for I’m pretty sure my entire life. The Iowa governor is Chet Culver. If nothing else you should know who your state governor is. If you don’t, go look it up now. I’ll wait.

Ok, we good?

So then we went back to the “what makes up Congress?” question. Even with the professors help nobody was answering the question. So he resorted to drawing on the white board. And let me tell you, my professor cannot draw his way out of a cardboard box. If he didn’t tell us he was drawing the state capital on the board I would have had no idea what the hell that box with a penis was.

On his box/penis drawing the professor put an “A” on one side and a “B” on the other side. The state capital has two sections. What’s in the “A” section? Still silence.

Seriously people. We just went through the Loebsack/Harkin discussion and you still don’t know what makes up Congress? Did you not have your morning Mt. Dew?

Finally we put an end to my excruitiating pain and (apparently) the majority of the class learned that the Senate and the House of Representatives make up Congress. I wonder if these kids know there are three branches of government. Shit I wonder if these kids even know who the President is.

So now I’ve decided I’m going to buy the Schoolhouse Rock DVD for my kids. ‘Cause I’ll be damned if my kids don’t know how a bill becomes a law. I want my kids to break out in to song right there in the middle of their college classroom belting, “I’m just a bill. Yes, I’m only a bill. And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.”

Go vote for the best lookalike in Sonia’s Blogger/Celebrity lookalike contest.

Does your family have any -isms? We have a few, like “trees” which is what my kids called broccoli for years.

Is John McCain’s VP choice, Sarah Palin, the ultimate working mom or is she biting off more than she can chew?

New York is considering math tests for kindergartens. Test that could last as long at 90 minutes. Are New York educators and administrators high?

Well that’s one way to get out of a speeding ticket.

Shhh…don’t tell, but you can get pot clips at Publix.

Turns out Midwestern Mommy’s “cancer” was actually food poisoning. Thank goodness. What a scary experience.

Our next president will be a lefty. Odd? What’s really odd is three of my kids are left-handed and both Lee and I are right-handed. Maybe one of them will be president.

Today was my first day back to school. I switched schools this year leaving behind the state university that hates doesn’t really accommodate non-traditional students and went back to the very expensive small college I was attending when I was pregnant with Caleb. (In fact I missed my final because I was in the hospital having just given birth the day before.)

I had forgotten one very important piece of information about very expensive small college. For a college that costs more than a brand new car for just one semester you’d think they’d be able to invest in some damn air conditioning. Because I got to tell you. The big oscillating fan at the front of the room? Did nothing. Nothing at all. I spent the entire class glowing (you know, because girls glow and boys sweat). In fact I was glowing so much I could almost wring out my shirt.

In the mornings I have Introduction to Mass Media Industry. In this class we will be discussing the law, ethics and history of mass media. Looking at the syllabus I was starting to get a little scared. There is a helluva lot of reading. Like at least three chapters a week, sometimes four. And each Tuesday we have a study guide to complete and a 2 page paper to write. And every Thursday we have a quiz. That’s a lot of stuff to do each week for a girl with five kids who works full-time and has a small blogging obsession. I hope I don’t have to give up my night time reading. Because I’m right in the middle of Jen Lancaster’s Bright Lights, Big Ass and I. must. finish. it. She is so funny she almost makes me pee my pants when I read her books.

My professor is also the adviser for the school newspaper and he’s pretty gun ho about it. I think he mentioned the newspaper no less then 47 times. He even had the editors that were in the class stand up so he could introduce them. And if we volunteer to right an article for the newspaper we get extra credit. He’s also my academic adviser and when I went in to meet him for the first time and pick my classes for this year he told me I should write for the school newspaper. So he’s a big school newspaper pusher.

At night I have Photography I. Now I enjoy photography and I have that super awesome camera so I was excited about this class. Until I read the syllabus and found out I’m going to have to spend a few hundred dollars for supplies. I have to get a 35mm SLR camera. Who uses a 35mm camera these days? Nobody. Well, nobody except my instructor. He’s old school and you can tell it’s just breaking his heart that film cameras are almost obsolete. He was willing to admit that nobody uses film anymore (even National Geographic uses digital now), but he still wants us to use one. He wants us to process our own black and whites in the dark room. It sounds very interesting to learn about developing film in a dark room, but is it necessary? Is it a skill I will ever use again? No. I will use Photoshop and a printer and get the same result. Or better.

But it’s not just the camera I have to buy. I have to buy a particular type of paper. A particular type of paper that will cost me $72 for a pack of 100 sheets. $72! You know what I could do with $72? I could pay my gas bill with $72. You know how I could save $72? I could have Walgreens develop my pictures for about $12 a roll. And I could get doubles. Or even better. They will develop my digital prints for $0.15 a photo.

Sigh.

But at least I’m a senior now. I may actually graduate before I turn 40. Woo hoo.